Monday, February 26, 2007 to say that i've gotten over you & put a dam fucking smile on my aching face was just another simple white lie.
i doubt u'd ever care. I walked home today & it was raining...as usual, it passes your house, u knw u don't care! but it cuts into me that u were the one who made me fall so deep & in the end, i have to clean up the mess you made for me. it cuts so in that i never want to walk pass it every morning to take bus to sch thats' why i asked my mum to drive me everyday. i feel so bad for mummy now... oh gosh .
i guess you're enjoying yourself in east cost or smth ... wels, maybe mugging for your upcoming exams, having meetings or just slacking at home playing dota. u'd never find your way to my blog. see . i beleive at this moment... nobody misses you as much as i do.
it sounds super crazy i know. To be able to stare at your picture & start crying. To just sit there & stone then, think about you with watery eyes. To pass that house everyday after sch ... try to keep myself from looking, but i can't & everytime the vision of your house in my eyes make me think of you & what we had between us... it makes me cry to see how u've just left me ...nt even having the guts to tell me by yourself... you know, i want it out from your mouth ... i don't want to see you cry like that day when you cried infront of me...
how do i feel? so much worser then what you were that day ... why? coz... to ever see you cry... to ever see someone u love so much cry ... how does it feel like? i knw or at least i guess, when i cried you didn't feel what i felt coz... i dnt matter to you ... i'm just another one of your past girlfriends. i dnt care how many you have okay . but i can assure ... none of them has loved till they say your name in their sleep, cry because they didn't get your call or even loss sleep to worry about you being sick. i know... you hven't love till that stage as well at least you hadn't loved me till that stage ... i can feel it hun.
to ask you to feel me & be me for one day ... u won't feel anything... coz i guess you can't even take that much pain in you. walking pass your house jsut makes me think of everything that was there & gone... so fast, with a snap of your fingers, everything was gone... a 4 mth r/s was over. i saw you cry, i saw u laugh , i saw u getting angry & getting high. what we used to be ... sending me home hands in hands, with ciggs in our mouth, kiss & hug you goodbye just before i go up the house... no more ... (: . i guess, all that i wish for was for memories to stay as what it is... dnt ruin what i had for you ... just don't . you don't understand how i feel really.
i just don't understand why, you can't tell me by yourself, u need sean shawn however you spell his name to tell me.
nics-
dn't ruin what i thought of u.
SO ... yes... i was feeling fucking emo at that point of time... but, what's gone is gone right?
OH WELLS brother... I THINK IM GONA FAIL MY GEO (: ...
i studied lah ! my mum saw me studying ... but i cldn't rmb anything only what! booooooo!
tmr have the ...bio n chem test ah ... gooodness leh ... will die siols.
im going crazy ... damit.
-nics-
YAs reality is crashing to the floor.
I love starbucks with bestfriends.
i love my family, bestfriends, friends & i love my boyfriend.
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I'm a mean bitch, whore, cunt whatever you want to call me if you make my blood boil.
I wouldn't acknowledge you on the streets if you did something to insult my friends & i. Infact, i'll probably hate you for life for what you did. Yes, very much HATE.