Loosing my mind just to find a place in your mind.

Saturday, March 31, 2007

i'm so drained now for don't know what reasons. & it's only 1 pm in the afternoon... i don't have the mood to go shopping all of a sudden... really. nicole... always shopping, always spending money... always, always... that name doesn't apply today. i feel like having a hair cut. trim my fringe, buy something to make me happy, eat the hell lot out of me & , what-so-ever. But, the mood just isn't there to do anything. i just want to lay there, under the sun, watch those clouds go & wait for time to pass.

i want to meet nessa darhling ): i wana be happy... i want, i want. so many things that i want. never thinking the hard time mum & dad's going thru. Dad's not doing very well i think ... i dn't know what i am or what i can do without the both of them... they mean so much to me. really so much so much. when i grow up, i will never let them sit by the road in orchard selling tissue paper nor will i let them earn money for themselves coz my sisters & i are too busy to even care... no no ... i won't. i promise you, mum & dad... when i grow up, i'll earn enough money & i'll share it with you. i know i can never return how much you have done for us, all that's why ... i'm promising you now that i'll earn enough money when i grow up.

if it's not for you. today would be a day, a normal day... very normal day like everyday . it's the 31st ... remember? if it wasn't over, it'll be 6 mth... i hve people asking me... :" still haven't gotten over it?" no, i haven't gotten over any of it & i guess it applies to everyone of you. u never get over a break up ... you just get used to it. get used to not having that person beside you again .... get used to, no wake up calls ,no childish arguments. right? but when any of your friends/ family members talk about them, you never control your feelings. your mind will be filled with everything bout that person. am i not right? sometimes, you get irritated as well.

for many times, love turns into hate. it does... really, really. i feel gravity pulling me back to reality, at the same time, i feel that my dreams want me to stay, want me to dream on. no one can stay in their dreams forever, can they? someday, we'll have to wake up cz we know, we all know... dreams aren't reality. it's time to wake up, wash up & walk out of that door.

do you know, what type of love hurts the most?

when we love... both couples are like dreamers, having the same dream...but, when a person wakes up to reality, washes up & walks out of the door, leaving the other person in their dreams, their own fantasies, it hurts the most. Now, i'm that person still in her dreams while he walked out alrd. you all will never know how painful it is, until you really experienced it . No, i advice you, don't be like me... don't just don't ... it hurts too bad ... it's getting my mentality to outer space.

so, have you guys see the anti-smoking ad? it's right beside my bustop ... where i alight (: ... scares the shit out of me... imagine i have to face it every other day ): ... no, it doesn't stop me ... it just scares me. bloooody face ! phew.

i was just surfing the net & this blog caught my eye ((: ... it has the same blogskin as mine ... but diff picture. thank GOD! if she/he ever has the same blogskin as mine & ever let me catch them, i'll change my skin... yeah i know most probably you'll go :" eh the blogskin not only yours right? anyone can have it!" yeah i know ANYONE can have it, but... just don't let me catch you pls... ! i dn't wana change my blogskin... it'll irritate the hell outta me. (: i'm sorry for being so selfish.

-nics-

YAs reality is crashing to the floor.

Paint a portrait of you & I-;

~~You get older & blame becomes to shame.~~
Would you still love me if i was spastic, crazy, mad or...whatever?

I love starbucks with bestfriends. i love my family, bestfriends, friends & i love my boyfriend.

I'd love to experience everything in life. Try whatever seems crazily fun or stupid.

I don't live life to the fullest sometimes but to me, life seems like a movie. Everything happens so fast, ends so fast but at the same time, there're so many people in life that you treasure & never want to leave. i've never been perfect in my life. never once. i've never done anything exceptionally good however, i've got the perfect friends in life. i've got a beautiful boyfriend & i thank God for everything i've came pass.

I can be very crude, retarded & stupid at times.

I'm a mean bitch, whore, cunt whatever you want to call me if you make my blood boil. I wouldn't acknowledge you on the streets if you did something to insult my friends & i. Infact, i'll probably hate you for life for what you did. Yes, very much HATE.

Chains;

Tender Words-;