Loosing my mind just to find a place in your mind.

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Just got back from the library & parkway-ing. I'll touch on this later.

i wana run to mummy, hug her & just cry everything out. i'm crying infront of something that wldn't respond to me... i'm talking to myself, nobody's listening. i don't knw... i really really don't know... send someone down to listen all that i want to say & maybe, things that i dn't say. no one's able to hear the screams that're in my mind. it's too noisy out there & i'm so isolated from this world. i knw ange & nessa's always there listening to me.But, my warring mind jsut couldn't stop all those

thought that runs inside of me.

i feel so

messed up on the inside... send someone dwn to sort it out for me... send someone to listen to everything i want to say,send someone down just to let me scream at & love... send someone down who'll love me& not cheat me. send someone dwn to tell me how special i am to him. send someone... send... i'm searching on the inside to find out what's wrong with me. i couldn't i really couldn't. i was pretty fine this afternoon.

God, why take away those i love one by one? dad used to be very closed to me but as time passes, why're we drifting apart. now, i dnt even talk to him much anymore... why? why? why take the one i loved so much away from me... now that i'm left with nothing & it's so difficult. & when i thought i'd fell again, it was just an illusion.

everytime when i thought i've found everything, it'll fade away one by one. it literally tears me apart.i don't know who'll sweep up the pieces for me, glue it back to a whole & tell me how much i'm worth. life's so hard, people searching , people dieing...being selfish & the hate that goes around. Every letter that i'm typing now, i'm tearing like i never did before.

people only realised how much they need something when they loose it. I really dn't want to hear how much one has regretted after having done something bad. coz, it wldn't bring back things that used to be beautiful anymore.

i just need someone to listen to me cry, is that so difficult as well? that was all i wanted. someone who'll sit there, listen to me cry , see me laugh & not convience me into anything that i don't want to hear.

i could hear happy songs being played on the radio... every happy lil kids in the playground... it's not bringing back that happy nicole she used to be. Even mum asked what have happened to that nicole she once knew.. the one who is happy-go-lucky.

God, why people live & people die? why do we live the onse they love & why do the onse we love leave us in a painful way?

i pray that nobody'll take special people who stand in my heart away from me again.

I DON'T KNW WHY I BLOGGED BOUT THIS, BUT... WHEN I CRY, I JUST SCREAM EVERYTHING I WANT TO SAY.

-nics-Y

YAs reality is crashing to the floor.

Paint a portrait of you & I-;

~~You get older & blame becomes to shame.~~
Would you still love me if i was spastic, crazy, mad or...whatever?

I love starbucks with bestfriends. i love my family, bestfriends, friends & i love my boyfriend.

I'd love to experience everything in life. Try whatever seems crazily fun or stupid.

I don't live life to the fullest sometimes but to me, life seems like a movie. Everything happens so fast, ends so fast but at the same time, there're so many people in life that you treasure & never want to leave. i've never been perfect in my life. never once. i've never done anything exceptionally good however, i've got the perfect friends in life. i've got a beautiful boyfriend & i thank God for everything i've came pass.

I can be very crude, retarded & stupid at times.

I'm a mean bitch, whore, cunt whatever you want to call me if you make my blood boil. I wouldn't acknowledge you on the streets if you did something to insult my friends & i. Infact, i'll probably hate you for life for what you did. Yes, very much HATE.

Chains;

Tender Words-;