Sunday, April 01, 2007 "Nicole, why are you doing this to yourself? why are you missing someone that doesn't even care bout you? he din love you like how a boyfriend shld, he din care for you like how you did. NO! HE'S A BASTARD. get a life, & someone who'll love you.stop thinking bout him.
here i am, with all this thoughts filling up the brim of my warring mind. Maybe is the rain that's pouring down which lead me to all this on-going words that flooded my mind. reminding me the first time you sent me back. inhaling smoke into my lungs doesn't help me forget all that you were to me, it just makes me stone, stare at the white walls, lastly... think of you.
no, nicole, no ... you can't possibly do this to yourself. yeah, i've never thought i'd love you so deeply. no, i never (: ... i've never even want to think of me, myself & i going down on my knees crying! i didn't but, i'm bending my knees already. with the strong backup of my friends, they made me stronger & thus i din have the chance to go all the way dwn.
i told myself to be strong to forget his name. it seems, it's not working. i just want silence, stop the world for a min & run as far as i could with my friends. the house was in total quietness except for the rain that's pouring outside. i could concentrate, i could hear... the sound of your voice drifting through my mind, my lonely ears. i don't know why i'm doing this to myself. the more you hurt me, the more i forgive & want to give you one more chance. i can't , i can't be like this... coz if i am ... u'll think that i can't live without you . yes, i admit that you took a part of me with you but no, it's not a fact that i can't live without you. i'm here, now sitting right infront of the computer facing it & with the hands of mine, tapping the keyboard. i'm still living.
the stupidness of yours, the way you organise your life everything. i dnt know why i love an ass hole that snatches away stuff from a 5 yr old kid or maybe 3 & run home happily, playing with it. you know what i'm talking bout. i dnt know why i loved a thief (: .
& the dumbness of mine, thinking that every fucking word of yours was true. i don't know . i dnt want to be known for MISSING YOU . i dnt want to be labeled as:" oh this girl ah, her boyfriend broke up with her & she seems to be so, can't get over it?" coz i tell you, one day i'll raise up , i'll be better than you & i'll make you regret what you've done to me. i dnt want to depend on a man.
afterall, what doesn't kill makes you stronger right?
YAs reality is crashing to the floor.
I love starbucks with bestfriends.
i love my family, bestfriends, friends & i love my boyfriend.
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I'm a mean bitch, whore, cunt whatever you want to call me if you make my blood boil.
I wouldn't acknowledge you on the streets if you did something to insult my friends & i. Infact, i'll probably hate you for life for what you did. Yes, very much HATE.