Loosing my mind just to find a place in your mind.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Promise me, you'll be the one who'll hold me, the one who

ll never make me cry.

it's one something... & i cldn't deny the fact that i'm still a lil sleepy. yesterday, was the start of my mid-year papers...of course you know the very first paper wld be english...dn't you? maybe, i just screwed it somehow... i don't know~ it wasn't difficult afterall, but... yeah (: .

my brains are cracking from yesterday. after having english paper 1 & two, i had social studies CA. *slaps head* ... it was source base so, it din require much of mugging.Thank God eh =P ... so yeah ... i'm still suffering frm it... i still mymble social studies out of my mouth.

i still haveart exam which i have to do research on, draw, sketch, paint... whatever... it's killing me, everything's killing me... & every now & then i feel like pausing everything that i'm doing, hug whoever's gonna be beside me & cry. nobody would have thought that this yr would be so hard ... neither did my mum .

Dad, as usual, there's nothing much to talk about... just hi & bye... i missed those times when i sang song to him through the phone when i'm 3 or 4... i missed the way he told me not to cry coz mama scolded me... i miss everything bout dad ... the way he used to be & what he used to be. time has changed him ...painted his hair with lil bits of grey ... & his face with a lil wrinkle. nothing much on the outside... but, on the inside... i know, there's so many things that're cutting through him ... mum told me, he's so sad , something's bothering him ... that something is... his daughter doesn't seem to like to talk to him much anymore... seems like forever since his daughter sat on the chair face to face, & talk bout things.

i'm sorry dad, i really want to talk to you like how we used to be, i really want to... coz nothing has changed... nothing. remembering that time when you told me not to call you my dad has never changed a thing bout how much i love you inside. coz afterall, you're my dad & always will be. i really want to tell you how i feel & stuff but, it's just quite hard to open my mouth... i guess, you should know how does it feel as well..

i'm finding it difficult to hold/ control my feelings & i'm in tears... i don't understand why & how thing would turn out to be this way... no daddy, no... i dnt hate you for things that you've done... i don't hate you even if you were to kill me. i dnt, i really really dnt... i love you more then you can ever think ... mum, this goes to you too. i;m sorry i;ve made things so difficult for the both of you. nothing'll change how much i love you. i promise.

-nics-

YAs reality is crashing to the floor.

Paint a portrait of you & I-;

~~You get older & blame becomes to shame.~~
Would you still love me if i was spastic, crazy, mad or...whatever?

I love starbucks with bestfriends. i love my family, bestfriends, friends & i love my boyfriend.

I'd love to experience everything in life. Try whatever seems crazily fun or stupid.

I don't live life to the fullest sometimes but to me, life seems like a movie. Everything happens so fast, ends so fast but at the same time, there're so many people in life that you treasure & never want to leave. i've never been perfect in my life. never once. i've never done anything exceptionally good however, i've got the perfect friends in life. i've got a beautiful boyfriend & i thank God for everything i've came pass.

I can be very crude, retarded & stupid at times.

I'm a mean bitch, whore, cunt whatever you want to call me if you make my blood boil. I wouldn't acknowledge you on the streets if you did something to insult my friends & i. Infact, i'll probably hate you for life for what you did. Yes, very much HATE.

Chains;

Tender Words-;