The morning's barely awake & so is anyone. For the very first time in my whole life i'm awake at this hour on a saturday morning.You've won a prize in the cereal box but i'm taking that prize away coz you dnt deserve it...you deserve the box.... i think i deserve the prize more. oh... i hear the snores, see the way my sisters are wonderfully asleep in a peaceful way. How the innocence really show in their faces despite the fact that they can get really naughty at times but, it doesn't matter anymore coz they are kids &.... their minds are just... " mummy!!! you cxan press the mahcine & money will be given" kind of mindset. ain't that cute... Currently my laptop's question mark button isn't working & there's a fly in my room. Very random but, that's how i am sometimes.

i layed with my helplessly tired body with the thoughts that ran through my mind. Things that some people told me." it's okay, it really is." Is it really okay... when was the last time you had a hard time in life... was it all you told yourself.... it's going to be okay because.... HELL , no normal being would ever tell themselves that when they know they ain't going to be alright. Here, i'm just left with all those muddled thoughts which suffocates me in a painful way. There's no way to keep everything off the mind coz i know, i know myself well enough. i know i cnt refrain it from coming into my mind. Some tell me i'm just too hard on myself. No... i don't take it hard on myself... do not tell me that .... why. COZ, WHO THE HELL WILL PRETEND NOTHING HAPPENED WHEN SOMETHING JUST HAPPENED. huh! I'm smiling now but, i don't really know if i'll be able to the next minute. it's all unpredictable. yes, i can be a fucking spoilt brat, throw every shit & grumble over the fact that it already happened & never change that situation. no, i'm not gonna do that... neither am i packing my bags, find another place & move out . NO. coz i promised to never walk out. never... unless you did to me. i'm just gonna take a lil... holiday. & if you decide to take me back to where i put my everything into, you know where to find me baby.

When i say i'm going to walk out in this, i'm going to hell leave this place, you all know i won't mean it unless i really made my decision. osometimes i say things before thinking of what i've just said. i say it but, i dnt mean it. talk is cheap. as always. know.... I dnt have those fucking guts to walk out simply just like that on someone who i fucking care, love, count on! SOMEONE I FUCKING LOVE, SOMONE WHO COMES NEXT, AFTER MY BESTFRIENDS!

Radio's on, stereo blast. i don't have no idea which to listen to ... coz honestly, i'm listening to myself. very clearly... i know what i want now. Hear him say it's all going to fine just hold on, a bottle of beer, or any alcohol to indulge into, someone to scream with me & someone i can bite, sleep, Throw my stuff toys on the floor so i cn get back my bed.... HA! i cry not coz i'm always sad ... i hell fucking cry coz i get pissed off. i'm getting out of my mind due to the lack of sleep but, who the fuck cares. It's funny how some people who hate you aren't able to stare into your eyes & tell you they hate you. hell, don't mock me coz you ain't any better in your studies. so what if you take mroe subs ... i can do the same with less subs... or i can even do it better. Don't mock me jsut coz you're jealous of something you are jealous of. i fucking dare you to tell everyone what a hypocrite you were when we were friends. Some people already knw coz, thanks to your bad mouthing mouth (: .

My two always-gonna-be-there-nomatter-what kickass bestfriends:

I love you alot alot alot alot....& you do notice that it's becoming more like a sisterhood than a friendship friendship. & i'm really glad to have met you both in my life at the age of only11. If it wasn't for the both of you, i would not have hung there in life for so long, still hanging (: . All those lil talks you both have talked to me bout when i was down, sad, wanting to die kind of attitude, it got me straighten-ed up, got me thinking that" hey, i've got the two best friends ever in the whole fucking world & nothing beats that, they've been thru both hell & pretty occasions with me.....No one will ever be able to take away things like that in my life." It's wonderful to have you both by myside i love it when you guys were there to tell me how much you love me & nothing elses matters; just you both, tell me everything's going to be alright coz we know theycn't do it,or rather... just sitting there to listen to me talk & cry my heart out..Two of you listen to things i never say... I still rmb those silly talks when we say those who got our hearts ripped apart will get what they deserve one day... be it sweeping the floor, fixing a car or, even beinbg a begger, they'll pay back while we study hard & have a better future than they have. Thanks for being there now & always. i've got a huge load to tell you both bout things that have happened recently... i promise i'll be okay thru this period of time. coz i know, you both got my back.

Boyfriend:

You know there are so many things i love bout you. The way you've been a wonderful boyfriend to me, the way you endure my stupidness, attitude, the way you make me smile ever so often just with you're morning messages, the way you pick up the phone & say " morning" with that half awaken voice, the way you talk to me, the way you make me jealous or ask bout things you know evry obvious that'll make me jealous, The way you fucking sleep with that pillow on your head, the way you make my day seem so bright thou i's raining etc. etc... there's so many the ways to be listed... so many ways i love bout you... but, the most impt reason is coz you're you & no one else. i love you for you ... just you...the way you are.
We agreed on something & i have no assureance if it's going to work out... even God hasn't told me anything.
Life has always been like that hasn't it... somtimes it gives you shit then other times, it's things you never expected. full of surprises (: . Remember, we all have control over what we choose to do or not to do. We'll only mess it up if we choose to mess it up. that's it.... that's the way. & with all that... i trust everything in your hands that everything will work out just fine. whenever you need me, i'm not far away... just now that & carry those words i've told you ard. Think of me...if you remember to.