Loosing my mind just to find a place in your mind.

Saturday, December 29, 2007

To Grandpa.;

I know I can never call to hear your voice ever again. i know i'll never see you smile or hear you calling my name anymore. i also know that you'll never sit at the same table we've eaten all this 15 yrs when you were there. I know many many things that'll never stay the same. There's so many things you haven't done with me. So many things you've never seen me achieve yet. Maybe, you're somewhere i call heaven & i know you're happy just coz you've came into my dreams to tell me everything's fine. However, things aren't the same here. Dady's so sad. he told mummy that he is still waiting for you to come home from your lil trip but, every night he goes to bed in disappointment knowing that you aren't home yet.

There's so many things which i always wanted to tell you but now, i'll never have the chance to, ever again. you went so fast. you slept away, you slept & left me here. i have no chance to see you laugh, smile anymore. not even your face in the four walls i live in. All i could do to see your face was, close my eyes or, open a photo album full of memories & faded pictures. i miss you. i miss you very very much. I thought we would still have the chance to talk to each other after the phone call on september. i thought i'll see you face to face this christmas. But.... all i saw was your cold body on september. laying there so peacefully ... cut out from the moans & cries . You were one of the best things that ever happened in my life. & one of the worst things was your death. Everything came just a lil too fast.

Everyone said, it's a good thing you went without much pain. it's a good thing you're somewhere where by there's enternal life. they say, be happy coz you don't want to see me cry. But, i can't do it... i can't ... i really really can't be happy coz you're gone. i want to dwell here a lil longer , i want to dwell in your presence. i don't want to accept it yet...

I want to tell you

I love you very much.

I never thought you'll run frm this world.

i've always wanted to hug you.

i've always wanted to take a picture of you & i.

i've wanted to hug you when you were on your death bed.

I wanted to fly back just to see you.

I regreted not calling you every month.

I regreted not doing all those things i wanted to do all along.

I never knew ho much it'll break me to know that you wouldn't be there on christmas or birthday.

Everything's so different without you over in HK. Grandma & daddy & everyone couldn' smile like how they did anymore. they all miss you very much.

Grandpa.. come back, once in a while... to see me, to tell me to study hard. to tell me to smile & tell me... to be a good girl.

I love you grandpa. i love you...

You never want to see me unhappy. but, i'm sorry i couldn't smile while im typing this post...

a picture of folded memories, faded achievements, smiles of hardwork.

YAs reality is crashing to the floor.

Paint a portrait of you & I-;

~~You get older & blame becomes to shame.~~
Would you still love me if i was spastic, crazy, mad or...whatever?

I love starbucks with bestfriends. i love my family, bestfriends, friends & i love my boyfriend.

I'd love to experience everything in life. Try whatever seems crazily fun or stupid.

I don't live life to the fullest sometimes but to me, life seems like a movie. Everything happens so fast, ends so fast but at the same time, there're so many people in life that you treasure & never want to leave. i've never been perfect in my life. never once. i've never done anything exceptionally good however, i've got the perfect friends in life. i've got a beautiful boyfriend & i thank God for everything i've came pass.

I can be very crude, retarded & stupid at times.

I'm a mean bitch, whore, cunt whatever you want to call me if you make my blood boil. I wouldn't acknowledge you on the streets if you did something to insult my friends & i. Infact, i'll probably hate you for life for what you did. Yes, very much HATE.

Chains;

Tender Words-;