I thought 08 would be a blithe yet abrupt year. However, i never thought i'll have to suffer the despondency of loosing someone beloved again. Last year's was enough to break my already broken heart. nothing could probably get me as devastated as ever. I understand everyone has to go but what i don't understand is why do they have to go as fast as the click sound made by the camera & why do they have to go one after another. I feel like as if i'm standing in a fast motioned picture whereby everything around me is changing yet i just stand there looking at the changes, dwelling in every ghost of what life used to be.

Life never used to be so much of trouble coz life as a kid was all childish & innocent. I'm growing up a lil too fast & i really do not want to go through the pain of loosing anyone anymore even thou i know that someday, somewhere, it'll happen & i can never avoid it. You told me to run away frm everything & laugh everything off just to be happy, just for kicks. somehow, when i ran away, laughing so hard, it stung me hard enough to stop my breathe. I'm sorry, everything i do suffocates me. i promised you to be happy every other day ... I can't do it anymore. with all those up coming exams + the reality of loosing someone again.. It's just ... so, hard to imagine.

Everyone would say that death is part of life & they'll start telling you you should be happy. How many of you really know how i'm feeling now? when was the last time you faced a death one at the end of last year & another one at the begining of the year + the heart breaks that plastered all your body? when was that? I feel so numb that i couldn't feel my bones anymore. & sometimes, i feel so hurt that i could feel my bones breaking, piercing through my heart. I have no idea how am i going to face this wrld anymore. I do not want to feel the pain that suffocates me. I do not want to go through all the pain anymore. i just don't.

yes, they have to go ... BUT why the fuck isit happening so fast? no one can ans me...Why is this world so mercurial? why can't the world be at peace, why can't we see people flawlessly? why can't we let em live longer ? Why are there so much of suffering in this world? what is this world turning into? why the fuck others like cheating on people? why isit that others like the sight of breaking someone's heart?
no, i never understood all this & i feel very upset that i'm unable to do anything. It takes two hands to clap.