Loosing my mind just to find a place in your mind.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

The temptation of lighting up urged me to take a fag but i promised myself to control & even if i do light up, there's no place i can have it anyway.

Somehow, just somehow, i noticed the growing amount of cig buds on the ground each time i take a fag. I have to control, i have to cut down i have to, i have to. There's so many things that i have to do. My to-do list is probably filled up yet none of them are being accomplished. No, i have not tried spending alone time with my math homework, chem textbook or any other subjects that i will be taking for O levels. Neither have i been listening much during my Chinese tuition. Mother tongue is in a few months time but, i couldn't be bothered to even touch my textbook/assesments that were assigned to me.

I seriously have no idea what has gotten into me. Just by flipping my math assesments & text causes me to focus on something else rather than what i am supposed to focus on. i know i'm lazy but i can't resist the temptation, really, to actually walk away from my work. I guess i need someone to really sit with me & hunt me down like a primary school kid. I remembered telling someone that there's no point in studying or doing well since everyone expects me to do less good. I guess i'll take back those words coz whatever that i'm doing, i do it for myself & not for others to see.

These few days hasn't been all that bright or moody but it has been a lil of both, a mixture.

I've been thinking alot. too much that if i let them all out, i'll be drowning in a flood of words. Nothing but words. I made an attempt to cry under the cozy blanket in my room but i couldn't find a reason to let my tears flow down. I tried to hide somewhere only i knew, somewhere where i'll be able to actually calm myself down & lock myself up from everything that's passing me by. Sometimes i find it so hard to talk, sometimes i just want some time alone to think, think bout where my life's gonna lead me to, think bout everything that i've done with my life. Think... just think. I don't need therapy... i need time. would you please be with me even when i say i need to be alone? stay for awhile & take your time to go wherever you want to go.

so bryan's home from his NS event... congrats on getting promoted to a higher rank (: . Please make time so we can do a lil catching up here & there.

I never thought... i never did...

Labels: don't you hate the past at certain points of your life

YAs reality is crashing to the floor.

Paint a portrait of you & I-;

~~You get older & blame becomes to shame.~~
Would you still love me if i was spastic, crazy, mad or...whatever?

I love starbucks with bestfriends. i love my family, bestfriends, friends & i love my boyfriend.

I'd love to experience everything in life. Try whatever seems crazily fun or stupid.

I don't live life to the fullest sometimes but to me, life seems like a movie. Everything happens so fast, ends so fast but at the same time, there're so many people in life that you treasure & never want to leave. i've never been perfect in my life. never once. i've never done anything exceptionally good however, i've got the perfect friends in life. i've got a beautiful boyfriend & i thank God for everything i've came pass.

I can be very crude, retarded & stupid at times.

I'm a mean bitch, whore, cunt whatever you want to call me if you make my blood boil. I wouldn't acknowledge you on the streets if you did something to insult my friends & i. Infact, i'll probably hate you for life for what you did. Yes, very much HATE.

Chains;

Tender Words-;